Its already 3 weeks of work into Micron when the New Hire Training is also coming to an end and proper On Job Training will commence on 29 Aug. Met a few new people in Micron who are from NUS MSE, well I think they are very nice to have included me into their clique so that I won't be so lonely for my classes, lunch as well as on the way home. However, just recently, I felt quite tired while being around them sometimes, such that I have to try to integrate myself into their clique so as to seek validation from them. Maybe I have been trying to impress Qian Ning from the start because of her looks? I think I will have to realign my focus to doing well at work instead of looking for a relationship in my workplace. She is cute but, definitely her lifestyle is something I will never want to see in my lifelong partner. Her spending habits were quite bad such that she said her bank is about to hit $500 at one point. If I want to achieve the same financial goal as I wanted it to be, her spending habits will only prolong my goals and probably be a burden in my wallet anyway. She is also very well liked by many, especially guys which creates an insecurity in myself as well. However, to put it.. somehow I felt maybe I will prefer a more toned down personality who will not attract too much attention.. I felt that it is definitely just an infatuation and probably Qian Ning is just an 'eye candy', therefore I should also realise that she might be someone that I wouldn't want to date in the first place. Its hard to understand girls nowadays, I feel exhausted just by interacting in Micron at times, feeling that I will also want the extra time to space out at work if I can though it shouldn't be the case since it is only training period and the real work hasn't even started.
To be honest, I haven't even think of Priscila for the longest time so far, but I definitely do miss the times when I can just ask her to meet at the lobby of hall 11 to ask for a long silent hug and I can just rant about how shitty my day is. She will listen attentively to the things I have in mind that is keeping me awake and try to console me in a way that doesn't make me feel disrespected. Well, I do miss her smiles hence I really do hope that without my existence, she can smile much more now. I definitely hated the fact that she has cheated on me emotionally way before the break up, but I guess it is a phase that I have walked away from and never looking back. All I want to do, is to believe that this is for the better as of that moment and maybe things were all very chaotic and shouldn't have stayed together since then. 50 more days to the "Break up Anniversary", hahaha! feels so surreal that I am actually counting down the days as if I am supposed to be celebrating this day which I am not planning to. I can still remember the days when I tortured myself with lots of alcohol, cigarettes and just not doing anything efficiently. Literally no mood to study so I just lie on bed all day and thinking of what I can do to get her attention when I really should have left her alone and done my own things and work on myself to move on. I'm glad that I have walked out of it... ☺
