Day 160 : 50/50

50/50

Currently waiting for an answer which probably decides which path of life do I go to. Heaven or Hell. Sweet or Bitter. Smooth or treacherous road. Still being stubborn but that's just me. I wanted an answer and I prefer getting it than having to guess if its a yes or a no. Rather not waste my time and be crying a waterfall for a day or two but being able to move on than to cling onto branch from a tree which probably isn't there anymore. Time changes people, doesn't have to be her. I changed over the years, months and even days. Where I learn more about the harsh reality in facing new people as well as true faces from people I knew from long time ago.

Being in the 21st century, we have to face being socially accepted by people through our attitude, forgiveness, friendliness, looks, dressing as well as the benefit that they are able to get from us. People are being more and more complicated with these deals to make people "approachable". We called it trust, and made promises to one another. But like how laws are made for consequences, these promises are made to be broken over time sooner or later. Remember how our parents told us not to lie? Lets be honest, everyone has lied at least once in their lives. How did freedom just turned the world upside down where the younger generations are getting more impolite to their elders and some even demanding more than what is given to them. Feeding kids off from the silver spoon is far worse, everything they can think of is to make the other party suffer through the use of their power that others could not have.

Are friendship just words off the dictionary? What are friends supposed to be? People say secondary school friends are people who would stay, but how many only contacted me without asking me for help with their surveys or homework. I'm probably leaving Ngee Ann Poly without a new " Friend ".

Day 158 : The End??

The End?

Has it ended very early on but I have not picked it up all the way and was being hopeful that one day a miracle will happen between us and we can become at least friends? I'm not even asking for your hand anymore but the cold treatment from you makes me feel like I'm thrusting a knife into myself repeatedly. It feels awful for trying to salvage whatever was left and rebuild our friendship but end up getting turned away. If I have to keep putting all my effort and receiving what is reciprocated, I doubt I'll be able to handle such treatment any longer. Its only a few months that we did not have any communication but I didn't expect things to come out this way where we literally become worse than strangers. I guess you hated me the moment I did not text you, but I believe it is entirely my fault. 

Anyway, I was being all hopeful that we could be what we were before but I assume that it was just wishful thinking since your replies are all short and a " ya " comes out after 2 hrs after my message of " have you gotten an intern company ". Its sad to see that I'm the only one trying to put in the effort and try to make what we used to have, possible again, or better...

Day 148 : 2 weeks into temp working life

2 weeks into temp working life

    Supposedly, I've applied for a temporary job that lasts for 1 month as a packer. From Yew Tee to the work place take me almost 1 and a half hour of traveling time.. ( Jurong Pier Road ). I'm feeling puzzled to why APL Logistics, being a reputable logistic company will have bad management procedures, inexperienced supervisors as well as bad inventory management. There will always be things missing, and confusion within the team as to what are the goals and how we can improve ourselves. Hiring more than 10 Temp " packers " when only 2 of them are actually packing, while some of them are doing picking and the unfortunate part is that I'm paired with a quiet guy and are forced to not learn picking / packing and only doing relocation of cartons. Many temp part timers are also terminated despite only being there for less than a week. Felt like a slave for 2 weeks because all I did was wrapping the boxes together that are placed on the pellet and making boxes for the pickers and packers. 

    However, this job helped me know more people around me. Knowing a few more people who are also studying in Polys that joined in the suffering. Haven't got a picture with them though, so I hope we can have one soon and I will update it by putting the picture below the text. The people whom I'm close with during these 2 hectic weeks are Jia Ning , Ryan , Ban lee , Amos and last but not least, Matt. ( a full timer and also my group leader who takes care of me in the job ) 

    Went to Jia Ning's house-warming yesterday. I guess we are a little too young to be exploring someone's house, especially when I barely know her and would be rude to look around the whole place. It was so awkward with the huge amount of people so we sat in her room and sang karaoke with songs playing from YouTube and being cast on the TV which is facing the bed. Amos and Jia Ning have mutual feelings for one another but Ryan seems to still continue being persistent and tries to salvage whatever chances he can have, regardless losing friendship. I find it pointless, I'd rather he move on as it can NEVER be love at first sight. They only met for 2 to 3 weeks, how can you possibly know her within that short period of time while working too. For myself, I didn't love Yu Jun immediately either, it was just a build up which probably took 1 year or so that I felt something for her and decided to chase her, but  obviously I still failed and destroyed the friendship I treasured most. Wished there is a reset button where I can change my plans on expressing my feelings for her? Could things have changed for the better where I could have be holding her hand walking down malls along Orchard Road.

Day 132 : I have no life

No-life-Fabien

Finally got a temp job as a sportswear packer at Jurong Pier for a month. Will start on the 5th of September and end of the 4th of October. Hopefully I can earn up to $1500 so I am prepared to use my own money for any graduation trip. Though I still haven't gave up the idea of going to Maldives with you despite the high price and us not talking yet. I still would like to visit there before the sea level rises and Maldives be part of the ocean. Or even Dubai for skydiving experience... So many things on the bucket list but so little time and money to do everything while I still can. Oh well, finally got selected into Changi Airport Group for my internship. I'm a little worried because of the long traveling time taken from my house to Changi Airport Terminal 2. It's slightly less than 2 hours on a good day. I can't imagine myself leaving house before 6:30 AM and rushing to the airport everyday for 4 months as well as getting back from after 5:30 PM , meaning that I will reach home at 8 PM and squeezing in the crowd for space to get home. I wish I'm rich and able to drive to work instead but if I will never understand how tough life can be if I'm given such a benefit since young. This holiday is just going to be a lifeless one, where half of the time, I'm working and doing OT while the other 2 weeks or so, I'm playing computer, watching dramas and going out with friends I met from Pokemon Go and Facebook. I doubt there will be a drinking session with Sai either. Since he didn't confirm any date with me yet, I can't give a definite answer even if I want to.