It is 6 April 2022 today, with 1 more study week after this, coming to an end of my University life. I will like to believe that I have more happy memories than sad and unhappy ones during the course of these 3 years in NTU. At least, I was happy for the 2 years while I was pursuing this degree while dating, and was spending time being happy with the person I thought would've wanted to stay with me too. I know that I have given my all, and definitely did not give her anything less than all of my love. I am tempted by other girls that I met along the way but I held back and did not disappoint, but I guess she was given a test by god and guess what, she was lured away by someone of lower caliber than me. It is okay for me to feel shitty after all that mess, I can be sad, but for not for too long because I also know that she will not look back anymore as I have been keeping track of the steps we took away from each other and realised that she has never once looked back at me and wanted things to work out even as friends. Since she did not have the time to grieve over the end of the relationship since she was immediately given so much attention by the desperate one such that she was infatuated to him. It feels like a joke off an avengers movie or something where I was being so angry at myself for the mistakes she had done and me wanting and wishing her the best even though how much she has hurt me throughout these 6 months since the break up in 13 October 2021. I think I have never been so nice and kind to someone in my life, I have always been the act blur live longer and definitely not someone who dwell over spilled milk. Just that this time, I think I have really invested so much more into the relationship that I feel so empty when it is all gone. It almost like a trust fund that I invested 100% with my money, only for it to be torn down and I get nothing in return.
I have to learn that no matter how much I love someone, they may not love me the same way I do. In fact, I have to love myself so much more than to love someone else because it is always never fair in reality. I should never fall in love too deep and too quick because this will only cause me to be weak and be too nice to people that don't deserve my best. I felt that this relationship have taught me that not everything we have is permanent, when she was the one who loved so much more as compared to me in the relationship, but as the relationship has progressed, it seemed that I was putting in more and more effort but she took out the effort she used to put in as she was tempted by the freshness of knowing someone new. An unfortunate ending for my University life I guess. But well, today is just one of those days that I feel she isn't worth my time to be so sad about, I have reflected upon my mistakes and did my best to fix them when I have finally dug out the reason as to why she want to break up with me.
I am glad that through these days of writing physically into my lecture pad as well as into these blog posts have really made me feel so much better than I was before. I guess penning down my thoughts have really helped me in keeping my sanity. Afterall, this is probably the only platform that no one knows who I am and I am able to freely express myself over poor grammar and sentence structure. Thank you blogspot I guess? Hahaha
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