Initially things were going quite well so I was in a good mood and all, decided to give her a cheer on sticky note and wanted to give her a hug as well because she pretty much was studying in school by herself the whole weekend.. But end up she wasn't there when I previously ask if she was in hall. Then the next few minutes I decided to reclimb up the stairs and to realise that there is a guy slipper outside her door. My whole heart sank, thinking that she probably has cheated on me for so long and only for me to find out yesterday.. To be honest, I am still not sure if she is seeing the guy or not, I have never seen him before, but she claims that he is a friend and also a friend of her roomie's. She say that she went to Giant with him to get toothpaste, honestly, I was just devastated that she allowed a guy to enter the room without thinking bout what are the possible impression that others may see. Even without me to know the slippers were there, I mean.. if anyone else want to look for her and end up seeing a guy slipper outside the room, partially may think that ohh, maybe she is having a guest at the moment, might also be piak piak, because who knows? Its is a Sunday night and to be honest, not many people will come back to hall during the revision week itself. This week, there is no exams so the canteen is actually pretty quiet as well. No queue for any of the stalls. Hopefully, she really isn't dating the guy bah, otherwise it will just mean that I was basically replaced by someone in 1 month. But when I questioned her, she say she isn't dating him and neither is she ready for another relationship. However, being "not ready for a relationship" seems like an excuse that I have heard from too many girls back then, when they are too kind to reject the guy immediately. However, this end up giving false hopes for the guy and only noticing how much time he has invested is gone down the drain when she gets together with another guy that she probably met for 1-2 months. I also tried to explain to her how I've felt, if for her to imagine she were to come to my room and notice a pair of girls slipper outside my room, how would she have felt then. But she then brought up that I have made her feel so replaceable in the past, that she felt like it is already normal for her to feel so. I was shocked because I have no intention of making her feel so easily replaced. I will gladly pick her over any other girls, otherwise I wouldn't be crawling back to her like a worm. To cut the story short, she cried and I hugged her but not in a romantic way.. and she request that for the time being, until the end of finals, we should have minimal interactions so that it will probably be healthier for us and better for us to focus in our finals first...
I feel like this can go south, with minimal interaction also means a possibility of not being able to be friends at all, because you don't really need this person in your life when you realised that you don't rely on that person so much as before. I know it seems easy to just let go and say move on move on, but what if I can't move on, and I really feel that Priscila is just the girl I really want in my life. "Every great man has a great woman" , and I feel that she has made me to be a better man, when she literally pick me up from the rocky start of university and now here I am, graduating in <6months time. I have removed her sister and her from my socials for the time being, so that I will not keep looking for her socials and stalk her photos whatsoever. Was thinking, maybe when her finals end, I will re-introduce myself once again, hoping to get a clean slate and start all over from strangers ~> friends ~> and hopefully a couple once again, but this time we CAN be stronger once we know about the flaws and things that we will have to accommodate in each other for. I really miss you baby, I missed the nights we get to hug to sleep, as I kiss your forehead and you snuggle in my embrace. We didn't even need a big bed to sleep well back then... I wish we can go back to our honeymoon period once more and relish all the good memories and throw the bad ones away and rebuild our new relationship to be a full of happiness.
.I Love You.
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