Day 249 : The Ending of 2016

The Ending of 2016

Here's to the ending of year 2016. It has been a long and tiresome journey and I hope you readers out there wouldn't feel the same as me. Having to shut off a friendship and affection for a person whom I believe I am willing to sacrifice my whole to her, not being able to make new female friends (god knows why), losing contacts with polytechnic friends due to the change in environment and topic ran out because the things we are doing aren't the same like the lecture books we dug ourselves into when the examinations are around the corner. Things ended with a twist in year 2016 for me. Everything seems to look fine during January, where I am able to control all my feelings for her, studies doing well to keep myself occupied. Being able to spend more time talking with my family, friends and even gaming to reduce the stress levels built up from studies. August, claiming my driver's license, though passing it only on the second try, but at least I've made it. The back flow in my luck comes around the October period, where things are starting to get dry and everything seems to be out of place and I'm losing focus and the motivation to push myself further.

Questions that are always in my mind are : Am I an optimistic person? Am I being too hopeful? Should I continue being "Mr Nice Guy" or should I shift to being who I used to be, "Mr Quiet"? Have Yu Jun really change me into something better? What will my aim be even if I get to be with her? Will we ever last? What will graduation day be like? Will we take a picture to commemorate the last day we will ever be smiling for the camera? Or are we going to be strangers even when we met face to face in public? Have you ever thought of me? Do you...recognize me?

I thought I did my best to satisfy what you are seeking for in a male friend, a partner, someone who will look up to. However, it seems that you are looking at Aaron Fong these days. He told me you stop trying to take your driving license after you've failed once just because he told you not to. Yes, I did ask questions about you from Aaron, though to me, he isn't someone whose words can be trusted but I have no choice. I don't think Eunice nor Christel will help me in this because of what happen between us, they will definitely be keeping every information about you a secret from me. Which is why, I was hoping you wrote back to me, showing that you are still willing to accept me interfering your life once again. 

Having to lost my earpiece which I've only got from the iphone 7+ box in a month or so, having to brace myself through the 2 hours journey back and forth to work as well as during work. I even read a book for the first time and it was a thick ass book with 500 over pages which only lasted 4 days or so. 

Day 227 : Nothing came back

Nothing came back

On 29th November 2016, I wrote Yu Jun a birthday card which inside wishes her a very happy birthday as well as a confirmation to our friendship. Well, without a doubt just by looking this blog title, you will know her answer. Inside the card is a paragraph which I wrote " If we could still be like what we were in the past, going out together and so on, do write me back a reply so I will understand. Otherwise, let the birthday card be the last message I will ever send to you ". And YES, I wrote my postal code and house unit number at the bottom of the page along with my "fab" signature by the side. I waited patiently for the weekend to go by, however nothing came to my door, not even a single news from her. It has been a week since the day I've sent the card and I believe that puts a fulls stop to our friendship. Never did I expect that an expression of feelings for her will turn out to be so bad, or was it because I have nothing in hand that she needs and requires it from me anymore. 

"When I first met you, you were nothing more than another face. But 6 months later and you are the only face I could ever find in a crowd." These 2 sentences really hit me in the gut, it exactly marks the duration of how long after I've known you before having that small infatuation for you. I still remember the days where we were still kids, year 1 Sem 2, back then I was still 17 years old and you're 18. I chose you and Bryan to join my team because you were the only girl left and I don't want an all guy team, honestly. But never did I expect that you were actually a cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl that actually made my heart skips a beat. Helping me to score an A grade for that IS module, INNOVA, really made me feel blessed to have you in my life. It was something remarkable or someone to give up their part of the presentation for their team mate. I fell in love with you when it was the C&I Week, where we are forced to build the car and to create a circuit by using duct tapes and making all the unneccessary aesthetics for the board to look nicer. Drawing trees and humans along the sides of the road... though we did not even submit the board to them, we still had some fun and laughter over the process of making it. I still remember when Mustaqim tease us to get together because we were always speaking in Chinese and neither Bryan nor Mus understands that language. Also, judging by our close skinship and sharing ear piece to watch The Walking Dead season that you wanted to watch. We slacked off a lot for the project and it became like a dating area for me. Where I arrive early in the morning, waiting for you to be there so I can make you smile. I love your little dimple, It really shows the beauty in you, especially with your out going personality, you smile a lot. I mean A LOT.

But it is all too late to say anything now, I guess our friendship isn't meant to last afterall. If you scroll through our Telegram text, last year I accidentally jinxed that we might have another war and may not be able to be friends before our graduation. Seems like things are going that way, where it is already Semester 2 now and we haven't made up. I tried and tried and tried, but I guess you just don't want to give me another chance, to even forgive myself. If this is the decision you've made, then let's not even greet the next time we see one another. I hope that everything is going well and bless you on your future endeavors.  

Day 217: Not worth it

Not worth it!

So, I've made a deal with myself that, if she doesn't keep her promise of writing me a birthday card or celebrate for my birthday, I'll delete her permanently. Apparently, she only wished a happy birthday at 11+ pm, though she saw my snap story of me posting my birthday cake in the early afternoon. I'm deeply saddened by this, because I have a gut feeling that I'm all along, nothing compared to her other friends. I'm probably just a temporary guy to replace in China, like how Wei Jian and Ela have like some kind of affair in China? I'm honestly expecting something more than just a " happy bday " snap. Given for all the things I've given you and none that I have received from you, I guess it isn't fair from my point of view. I guess I should have delete you even way before, because I've done a survey and practically you send snaps to your friends at least 100 of them, and there was once you've sent 40 snaps just in the morning till 12 pm. But yet, you're replies to my snap are always 10 hours and more and some even take 24 hours. Given that evidence, I can say that I'm not even worth to be part of that 100 snaps you sent to all your friends.

Live your "luxurious" life with Aaron, that little bitch must have still be texting you and snapchatting you all day and all night long. Given his wealth, no doubt people will stick to him until you know how stingy he is with his money. Apparently, my existence to you is nothing but just words coming out of your mouth. You changed me, in a better way, making me kind, decent as well as giving me the power to strive for what I want, but what you didn't realised that it is YOU that I want to have...

Lets not even talk about me loving you just because I want to have sex with you. I always feel at home, just having you beside me. Remember when I was doing my creo2 drawings of the gearbox which Aaron didn't provide for the team? I bet you can't remember it, because I remember that Eunice and Christel automatically sat beside Aaron but you came up chose a seat beside me instead. I felt blessed and like I can continue with another hour or two with that tedious project. The scent of your shampoo and perfume are already registered in my head and I tend to look around whenever I smell them especially in places we had been together before... So, I hope it wouldn't be anymore than just a "Good bye".

Day 189 : Intern Week 2 + life

Intern Week 2 

Finally, it is the end of Week 2 for internship! However, as days goes by, I will have more projects and things to do for the company unlike the first week where I'm just sitting around my office desk and munching on my snacks. Now I have to pretend to be busy, either walking around the whole of Changi Airport ( Yes, ALL 3 TERMINALS ) or going to site with my safety helmet and vest and take photos of what are suppose to be changed according to the specs stated in the contract made for the expansion of Terminal 1. Having Eunice, Ya Yun and Wei Jian in my office feels a little less boring though we are still segregated by an imaginary wall where there are other supervisors who will look if we are chit chatting or slacking off. Honestly, I'd rather be printing and do filings for the others than to be daydreaming in the cold and quiet office or lounge that I always go because there will be lesser eyes to look at us interns, being useless and just walking around aimlessly and having no knowledge in fixing nor operating any machine. 

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Everything seems to be going well until yesterday when you took more than 24 hours to reply my snap. You look at your instagram, post a snap story, opened my snap story but not my private snap to you. I wonder why it happened though, I've only done it to people whom I don't wish to speak to ever again though, is that the same feeling you have for me? Am I being annoying just have my name pop out as a notification on your phone? Arghhh, we shall see until the end of November I guess... or until the end of 2016 if I can finally decide on what is my stand...

Day 170 : 2 Sighs

2 Sighs

What seems like a good idea before doesn't seem to go as what I've expected and planned for. Should I take a step back and consider running back to the split roads where I'm forced to choose between the two routes. Despite numerous attempts to get our conversation to be longer and also more interesting, your replies are always a force closure by replying only what I asked and using no more than three words like " Haha yea " , " Nope " and " So exp , LOL ". I'm really disturbed by this because the texts and topics I talked to you about can always be extended and whats more intriguing is that the 3 word replies can take you up NO LESS than 24 hours. I have to wait exactly and mostly more than a day for just a short reply which pretty much shows how much you want to speak to me. Just, bye will probably be a better reply instead. I really am infuriated by such replies, and I believe you knew it all along. So instead of beating around the bush, why can't you just talk to me on the phone or at least give me a proper sign that you don't want and don't need me to be around because I'm of no more use to you after not showering you with all the allowances I have. I would have probably gotten you the Chanel perfume you wanted but I assume I'm lucky for not gifting it too early since the few months of not being around you can make you change inside out. According to such statistic, we will never still be together when I'm serving my 2 years of National Service and you will probably be looking to spend time with another guy you meet in the University you study in. 

Why must you crush my wish and trust and yet feeling not a single bit of bitterness for forsaking our friendship(?). Have the time spent together meant nothing at all to you but just a shadow that accompanies you? *scratching my head* Should I continue trying to talk to you? I mean... what if its all just me and I'm just stubbornly standing, waiting for a day to come when you finally can have the eye contact like we used to have.

Day 164 : Reset to zero

ZERO

So... results of the wait is that she is finally willing to try again with what we had left from the torn bits and pieces of friendship that was disastrous. However, she reminded that she wants the idea of me chasing her to stop completely. Well, definitely it will because of the long break, I've already gotten over and move on to finding someone else instead of stepping into the same pit hole that I've plunged into twice... Once's an accident, second a mistake, third's a fool. So, I swore that I will not be what I was in the past as feelings are something that come and go. Falling in love with the same girl twice do make me worry a little that there will be a third. However, risks are meant to be taken if I want to keep her presence around me. 

Due to the long and quiet cold war that we had, awkward tension is there and we have ran out of topic in just a few sentences. I'm thinking I'll buy a movie ticket and give it along with her birthday card on 29th November and if she thinks that our friendship is worth treasuring, maybe just MAYBE she will come on the date that I will prepare for. She's never the push and pull kind of girl anyway, always having someone to do the plans and initiate the outings / dates. Shall hope that I will fully get rid the part of me that wants to linger around her despite the determination to terminate my affection for her. Unless, she gives me a different feelings from what she was before that I was in love with, I guess it will be another long run for me. 

Day 160 : 50/50

50/50

Currently waiting for an answer which probably decides which path of life do I go to. Heaven or Hell. Sweet or Bitter. Smooth or treacherous road. Still being stubborn but that's just me. I wanted an answer and I prefer getting it than having to guess if its a yes or a no. Rather not waste my time and be crying a waterfall for a day or two but being able to move on than to cling onto branch from a tree which probably isn't there anymore. Time changes people, doesn't have to be her. I changed over the years, months and even days. Where I learn more about the harsh reality in facing new people as well as true faces from people I knew from long time ago.

Being in the 21st century, we have to face being socially accepted by people through our attitude, forgiveness, friendliness, looks, dressing as well as the benefit that they are able to get from us. People are being more and more complicated with these deals to make people "approachable". We called it trust, and made promises to one another. But like how laws are made for consequences, these promises are made to be broken over time sooner or later. Remember how our parents told us not to lie? Lets be honest, everyone has lied at least once in their lives. How did freedom just turned the world upside down where the younger generations are getting more impolite to their elders and some even demanding more than what is given to them. Feeding kids off from the silver spoon is far worse, everything they can think of is to make the other party suffer through the use of their power that others could not have.

Are friendship just words off the dictionary? What are friends supposed to be? People say secondary school friends are people who would stay, but how many only contacted me without asking me for help with their surveys or homework. I'm probably leaving Ngee Ann Poly without a new " Friend ".

Day 158 : The End??

The End?

Has it ended very early on but I have not picked it up all the way and was being hopeful that one day a miracle will happen between us and we can become at least friends? I'm not even asking for your hand anymore but the cold treatment from you makes me feel like I'm thrusting a knife into myself repeatedly. It feels awful for trying to salvage whatever was left and rebuild our friendship but end up getting turned away. If I have to keep putting all my effort and receiving what is reciprocated, I doubt I'll be able to handle such treatment any longer. Its only a few months that we did not have any communication but I didn't expect things to come out this way where we literally become worse than strangers. I guess you hated me the moment I did not text you, but I believe it is entirely my fault. 

Anyway, I was being all hopeful that we could be what we were before but I assume that it was just wishful thinking since your replies are all short and a " ya " comes out after 2 hrs after my message of " have you gotten an intern company ". Its sad to see that I'm the only one trying to put in the effort and try to make what we used to have, possible again, or better...

Day 148 : 2 weeks into temp working life

2 weeks into temp working life

    Supposedly, I've applied for a temporary job that lasts for 1 month as a packer. From Yew Tee to the work place take me almost 1 and a half hour of traveling time.. ( Jurong Pier Road ). I'm feeling puzzled to why APL Logistics, being a reputable logistic company will have bad management procedures, inexperienced supervisors as well as bad inventory management. There will always be things missing, and confusion within the team as to what are the goals and how we can improve ourselves. Hiring more than 10 Temp " packers " when only 2 of them are actually packing, while some of them are doing picking and the unfortunate part is that I'm paired with a quiet guy and are forced to not learn picking / packing and only doing relocation of cartons. Many temp part timers are also terminated despite only being there for less than a week. Felt like a slave for 2 weeks because all I did was wrapping the boxes together that are placed on the pellet and making boxes for the pickers and packers. 

    However, this job helped me know more people around me. Knowing a few more people who are also studying in Polys that joined in the suffering. Haven't got a picture with them though, so I hope we can have one soon and I will update it by putting the picture below the text. The people whom I'm close with during these 2 hectic weeks are Jia Ning , Ryan , Ban lee , Amos and last but not least, Matt. ( a full timer and also my group leader who takes care of me in the job ) 

    Went to Jia Ning's house-warming yesterday. I guess we are a little too young to be exploring someone's house, especially when I barely know her and would be rude to look around the whole place. It was so awkward with the huge amount of people so we sat in her room and sang karaoke with songs playing from YouTube and being cast on the TV which is facing the bed. Amos and Jia Ning have mutual feelings for one another but Ryan seems to still continue being persistent and tries to salvage whatever chances he can have, regardless losing friendship. I find it pointless, I'd rather he move on as it can NEVER be love at first sight. They only met for 2 to 3 weeks, how can you possibly know her within that short period of time while working too. For myself, I didn't love Yu Jun immediately either, it was just a build up which probably took 1 year or so that I felt something for her and decided to chase her, but  obviously I still failed and destroyed the friendship I treasured most. Wished there is a reset button where I can change my plans on expressing my feelings for her? Could things have changed for the better where I could have be holding her hand walking down malls along Orchard Road.

Day 132 : I have no life

No-life-Fabien

Finally got a temp job as a sportswear packer at Jurong Pier for a month. Will start on the 5th of September and end of the 4th of October. Hopefully I can earn up to $1500 so I am prepared to use my own money for any graduation trip. Though I still haven't gave up the idea of going to Maldives with you despite the high price and us not talking yet. I still would like to visit there before the sea level rises and Maldives be part of the ocean. Or even Dubai for skydiving experience... So many things on the bucket list but so little time and money to do everything while I still can. Oh well, finally got selected into Changi Airport Group for my internship. I'm a little worried because of the long traveling time taken from my house to Changi Airport Terminal 2. It's slightly less than 2 hours on a good day. I can't imagine myself leaving house before 6:30 AM and rushing to the airport everyday for 4 months as well as getting back from after 5:30 PM , meaning that I will reach home at 8 PM and squeezing in the crowd for space to get home. I wish I'm rich and able to drive to work instead but if I will never understand how tough life can be if I'm given such a benefit since young. This holiday is just going to be a lifeless one, where half of the time, I'm working and doing OT while the other 2 weeks or so, I'm playing computer, watching dramas and going out with friends I met from Pokemon Go and Facebook. I doubt there will be a drinking session with Sai either. Since he didn't confirm any date with me yet, I can't give a definite answer even if I want to. 

Day 124 : "Graduated"

"Graduated"

Today marks the day I'm done with all Ngee Ann exam papers. I consider myself graduated from Poly since the next semester will be all about internship and report writing which pretty much, seems like working in the outside world, just under the school's name and underpaid for our labour. Finally, I can relax again with this 2 months break! It seems like time passed by so quickly when we are mugging for our final semester of papers. Everyone was working extremely hard though I hope that our exam results will show our efforts. I know that some of my friends have blacked out being nervous while encountering questions which are phrased in a way that they couldn't get the correct formula which they memorize before the paper. Currently, I'm just thinking of ways to spend these 2 months, by either working my ass off to earn money and buy more shoes and shirts for myself or spending on games/food/clubbing. Hmmm, oh!! and I got my driving license too! Finally can drive on the road but I need to buy the P plate. LOL! maybe will rent a car for it, maybe... No $$ at the moment ><

Day 99 : Dream

Dream

It has been a hectic week for me.. Stressing over things like my driving test, projects and presentations as well as the nearing examination dates which I am definitely not prepared for despite my constant procrastination in my revision. Things shall be better the next week as I look ahead and be confident in the things I do. Feel like going to ZoukOut this year, however I don't have any partner to go with. Hence, still deciding if I should go with people whom I've just met but never contacted. In fact, I don't even have her number, only way to get through is by another friend of mine whom I've just known in WISP. The internship company in Changi didn't call me and I heard that it was a competition between 3 AT students and 2 ME students. How lucky I wasn't there because I will probably the lowest GPA amongst them, afterall they are way more competitive as compared to the students in my course. Aaron stole my ESD 2 sample report and maybe, just maybe... some of the notes which I made for myself before the exams for MMM and Applied Thermo. Not sure about it, so I'm not directing it immediately to him. 

I dreamt of Yu Jun yesterday night.. This is what I believed to be the first time that I have her in my dreams. I can't remember clearly because the dream I had is now in bits and pieces like a puzzle of 300 different shapes and sizes which I can't piece them together. But I believe that we are in a resort, somewhat probably the Maldives trip which I wanted to go with her... Because our resort is right at the beach and the balcony has chairs and tables and even a small vase with rose in it, elegantly placed with curtains drawn to the side in our room. I only realised it was her when we had our kiss, on the lips. Yes, it felt real and I was shocked to see that it was her after the kiss as... I still have some feelings attached to her. We ate, joked, laugh and relaxed together in the room with red wine with the sea side breeze and you can literally hear the waves and birds. 

I searched what it meant after I woke up and it is said that I still bear some feelings for "that" person that I kissed on the lips and there is still a chance of reconcilation which I have thought before too, on the day of her birthday... Still a long wait though, not sure if there will still be a chance then. Lets hope everything goes fine though hahaha!!

Day 88 : Projects projects projects!

Projects projects projects!

As the projects come flowing into my to do list, I can't keep myself focused in class because I was busy worrying about what I can do to further improve the project as well as what can I impress others with my project apart from the basics that we learnt and many other average scorers can do. ESD2 project and WISP project are still torturing me these days. WISP, I'm pretty much done my part but I guess I have to help them too, after all I do know that only 2 of my 4 other team mates are the hardworking ones. Hence, no doubt we have to put in more effort than the other groups as we have to prepare a 20 minutes presentation to the class on LGBT which is a topic that can be hard to find on the internet. Anyway, last worrying and more thinking. Probably shall start my Saturday routine of going to the library if possible... Got NS check up this week, and driving test on the next... So, Probably only available on the Sunday to study, otherwise it will be a tight squeeze into my schedule to rush to the library just to check a seat in it and hopefully one where I will be able to concentrate all by myself. 

Saw you running past from behind me this afternoon where I was walking towards the MRT station at Yew Tee. Not sure if you saw me but you were looking into my class when you walk past with the girls and your class. Wanted to say hi, but I was suffocated by my own fear , hence decided to ignore your presence and pretending to continue talking to my classmates. The fear I have is unexplained, it's not like we just met and I can talk to strangers pretty well. I can't even get this figured out, why is my breathing so heavy but short.... 

Day 73 : Casual school term

Slack~

Losing my focus and my drive to become the best among all students from Mechanical Engineering. Driving lessons are soon coming to an end too. Cleared 4.04 and only left with an evaluation conducted by the instructors from school and I'll be up for TP and get my license like finally. Another milestone will be unlocked soon by the end of July this year. ESD 2 project seems to be the one that makes me grow more grey hairs and probably plucking a bunch of my once healthy hair off my head. So much trouble and calculations to do but have to personally carry 3 others in my team. Irritating as it can be, I have to suck it up and look ahead for the plans of how to outscore my other classmates in the lecture class as they have better scores than our class. Oh well, shall grab a drink one day when I meet some of the people whom I've met online.  

Seeing you smile cheek to cheek as you sit in Aaron's car and spend time with your new clique from the Vietnam trip... The whole process didn't change, just the players. So I can conclude I was never seen to be in future in the very first place. 

Day 66 : 2nd term

Second term

Back to the beginning to where we have left off from our 2 weeks break, studying and projects are back to haunt us once again. Holidays goes by at the speed of light and it seems like I'm going through a never ending holiday when we have the longer break, usually 2 months or 7 weeks. Received my common test results on Monday, got back my ESD 2 and ICONT papers. Came to realise I am on spar with another classmate for ESD, being first, but only scoring 62 marks for the test. Also I'm top for ICONT, scoring at 91 marks but I could do better because I have some careless mistakes here and there that could bring me up to 95 marks if I have noticed them. I'm kinda disappointed with my results despite being the top in my class. That is because the other class which I already have believed that they are the " smarter " kids have people scoring full marks and many 90 over marks too! Even some that I didn't expect them to be such hardworking manage to give me a shock after hearing about their results. I really hope my class will buck up and not fall behind because this is going to be burdensome as I can't find the perfect match for a project group. Also, I feel like I have to bail out of the basic ESD 2 group I'm assigned to. I can't work with LSK nor Hor Chet, despite them being my classmate for the past 2 years, they aren't compatible to do project works with me. The both of them don't voice out their opinions on a certain thing and hence always going with what others might think is right and end up having to rush at the last moment because all the calculations or specification were wrong. I really wished I could be in Wei Zhi's group for such projects.. He always manages to get perfection in project because his father is a boss of an engineer firm so he definitely will be able to get some assistance here and there... Well, I guess it just isn't my luck since I'm posted to a class with not much potential in studying.. Surprisingly, we're the quieter class which appears to be the more "nerdier" class at first look, but our results don't show much from it.

It has also been exactly a month now, since we last spoke and seen one another... 29th may 2016 is the date we last interact, and I still sometimes look back at our pictures as well as daydream as I listen to love songs while looking at my laptop wallpaper of us. Many says " Some things that aren't meant to be, will never stay, you just have to move on. " Easier said than done I thought to myself. We forge this friendship that took many tedious hard work, blood and sweat to get us as close to sharing one another's secrets that we probably don't even tell some of our friends.... Thinking it all through, I still don't know if I am the one in the wrong.. I just hope something comes down and guide me to the light to where I should be and what to do to make things better for us.

Day 57 : 2nd week of term break~

Break

I apparently haven't been updating things according as they come. Where should I start? Well, this term break is actually quite boring. What I initially wanted to do was to drink with a couple of friends and sing karaoke but... I guess we couldn't find time and the mood to ask one another out, maybe because we are all guys. Haha! Hmmm, well back to playing a Maplestory private server, named AriesMS. Doing everything all over again like I was a kid back then. Grinding and putting lots of effort into the game, trying to earn as much in game currency and spending it to improve my character. Believe me, I wasn't even looking forward to each day. The holiday just comes to me as a routine that I will switch on my laptop and play MapleStory, talking to people online and just playing. Listening to the same songs on Youtube and Spotify. 

Finally driving lessons are already at 3.04. Hopefully clearing 2 lessons every time as I go so I can clear all my lessons quicker as well as doing my TP test before my PDL ends in 25th August. Otherwise, it will be a hassle to go to post office to renew it for another $10 or $15. I can't remember the exact price but damn.. It is a total waste of money!! Circuit driving is super boring, today. I'll be learning parallel parking and hopefully circuit slope too. Though I have no idea why but I've done so many circuit slopes before this but they still want us to go according to schedule... Its total rubbish and I think they just want us to pay more through the long course of extra lessons.

Haven't get to hear or see you since 29 May, its close to a month now and I still can't reach out to you. Are friendship so brittle now? Just one mistake is all it takes to break and tarnish what we have created in the 2 years filled with memories of thrill, laughter, sadness as well as getting into trouble and... being in love with you. Feelings can only be subdued temporary by removing all photos I have with you but when we meet in the future, I'm pretty sure I will still have that same feeling I have for you. Too bad, I couldn't hold your hand once more and show you the world. 

Day 52 : Facial

Facial

Did facial at 1pm at the same place again, this time it took about 2 hours to get everything done because of the numerous oil bubbles and pimples around my cheeks and chin. It hurts like hell but luckily today's weather is pretty cooling hence I'm able to withstand the pain throughout. Did my teeth cleaning at Greenlife Dental yesterday and also did a new haircut. I like this new haircut because it gives me a fresher and mature look. Finally, I didn't keep the layered cut at the back of my head and change it to a slope, becoming more like a Secondary School student somehow... 

Well, have to get back to doing my TCM project once again... Couldn't get much things on the internet that I wouldn't lift totally. After all, there are so many terms specific phrases which I can't explain with my own words.. I hope they will be lenient in their marking. 

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how have you been? have you recovered from your cold? Is your holiday schedule still as packed as usual? [ I hope so ]  Have you and your father relationship been better? I hope things are going smooth for you, since it is probably a hectic year... 

Day 49 : Start of 2 weeks break

~Halfway there~

Cleared with common test, hence we're all halfway through semester one, also meaning I'm halfway to clearing all my study modules since I'm having internship next semester which I hope will go by as a breeze. Common test was pretty easy, I am quite confident for 3 out of 5 papers that I can score easy As but I will never know the results until when school reopens. Hopefully, I can make this semester count and give me a definite answer of being able to go to NTU for further studies after my 2 years of national service. Things are going quiet... Very quiet. I don't send much snaps to people, I only open people's snap story and look at what they are enjoying life during their breaks while I am at home, listening to repeated songs and playing video games that I usually get bored of in a month or so. 

Went basketball with Hao Xiang early afternoon, we weren't having high field goal percentage at the start but we made it very well at the mid point where we are making 3 shots in a row at different points of the court. However, I still couldn't make any 3 points, somehow I don't have enough power to push the ball up and forward, but I can still throw it straighter than my short distance 2 points. Didn't play any matches today because we have been out of the game for so many months so we decided that today, we shall just play random shooting just to get a feel of what we had in the past when we are warmed up. Wearing slippers and my basketball shoes really did make a difference which I initially thought wouldn't, I felt more cushion in my jump, hence being able to jump at a greater height with the same amount of energy put in my legs.

Watched Conjuring 2 with my family today as well, it is a 2hrs + long horror film which is based on a true paranormal activity which literally gave me goosebumps all over my body just by the imagination of what is going to happen next , especially with the anticipating sound effects which increase our heart rates. I got scared quite a few times too! That is pretty rare for me because I don't jump from scares as often as some of my friends. Haha! 

It has been probably exactly 2 weeks since we last spoke, we have never seen each other way more than just 2 weeks definitely. I hope you are doing fine though, I remembered seeing your snap story of you thanking Eunice for the medicine and I wanted to get you herbal tea in the morning but due to the heavy and the on and off from the rain, I didn't get it for you because I don't want to make it that I am going to do it on purpose. Afterall, we are never meant to be, even our friendship is crashing as we speak these words in our head. I hope we will never turn out to be " Strangers who know myself more than anyone else" . Hope to see you again before my National Service or when I POP. 

Day 41 : Traditional chinese medicine learning journey

TCM

It so difficult waking up at 6:30 am in the morning today, maybe because it is the Saturday. I guess it is a nice experience there doing some activities, however obviously playing more than making sure our posture is correct and what we are doing really helps us in our health. Did scraping and a Aurcular Therapy, more commonly understand as ear acupuncture. Only did one on the " Shen Men" which is said to help relieve headaches, migraine and insomnia. Probably why, I took a nap immediately after coming back home today. 

Did an Applied Thermo paper for practice today, can't really score above 80 if I were to keep referring to the answer keys at the bottom. Though the chapter 8 questions are easy, the questions on chapter 6 are totally wrecking my brain. Can't really put all my focus into doing my revision. I always tend to find things to do because I would procrastinate when I'm doing these revision at home. There is always a computer in front of me and I don't have a proper table and chair to study like what I can get from the libraries. Oh well, I just have to learn how to not procrastinate then. 

Hmmmm, suddenly I missed you, or should I say, the past you. Every smile and laughter with you is still vivid in my memories. Our trip in China, 九寨沟 and 黄龙 which we went hiking all the way to the top which I can't really remember if there is a taoism temple at the top of the mountain. How could just change at a snap of your fingers... I hope it isn't from the bad habits that I used to have that made you change this way.. You help me changed my bad ways and turned over a new leaf and now, without your directions. I'm as good as a lost duck in a swamp with no lead and no goals to learn and learn more about the outside world.

Day 40 : Preparation to go for war ( CT )

Preparations

Spending 3 days in a row this week in school to finish up whatever revision I hope to accomplish at the end of the day. Finally, I'm pretty confident with my concept in Applied Thermodynamics. I just have to recall on my formulas from the previous semester and I will be able to do it with more confidence and at a faster pace. Things are going a smoother pace than what it was before. The big bunch of guys shared their OIP China trip vlog with me and I can still remember everything I experience in the trip I went, which is half a year before theirs, during the winter season. The temperature range is about negative 3 to 10? The freezing nights is something I will never forget, having a faulty heater that doesn't keep us warm at night and always giving me a blocked nose the next morning. Everyone was having so much fun and promised to stay together even after the trip, but look at what has happened, we separated because we either didn't keep in contact or just some stupid idea of ignoring one another. It has been days since Yu Jun and I have interacted, not just in person, we don't even send snaps nor messages at all now. Even having you crossing my mind doesn't make me move an inch now, I find it absurd for you to change your character totally after expressing my feelings for you. Is this the real face of you, or was I just too oblivious as I was too attracted to what I thought was your perfect personality that I missed them out? Chasing you is like climbing a steep mountain in a certain time limit. I have to charge in like a bull but also be able to maintain my stamina through the feint existence of myself so that I can try to put myself into the middle, where you can see me. Well, maybe 1 year of tolerating my nuisance is more than enough for you to handle. That is why you chose to leave using this method of ignoring me so that I will automatically not reply you knowing it is hurting my pride and ego inside. I know you still snapchat and uses instagram direct messages to Aaron. I guess I'm just a side-bitch where I gets a part time job whenever you feel bored or requires someone to chip in money on birthday presents. Guess I have to live pretending to not know you in my dictionary anymore, that is if we continue this along with the cold replies I'm receiving constantly from you.

Day 35 : Not motivated anymore

Not motivated anymore

In the previous semester, I was so motivated to studying every Saturday with you that I always have a smile on my face and always looking forward to seeing you in the library, sitting opposite of me studying together. Though we may not be talking to one another during our own revision, the look on your face when you focus is really cute and it just gives me a push to overcome the dry studying of going through the words and formulas in the lecture books. However, as of this semester where things already started differently, it started in a complete chaos and my focus turns into a haywire. Saturdays become a day where I lie on bed missing the days we had spent together. Even asking you out in advance for the June holiday break also seems awkward. I asked if we could go out together and your reply is immediately a " Where? " I don't know if there seems to be a restriction to where our friendship can be that made you give me this current state of cold treatment... Replies from you become longer and longer, extending to more 24 hours. I guess, I will give u until the end of today to reply me.. Otherwise, I might have to forget you as a whole... I'm probably not worth your time anymore, knowing that your phone is around you most of the time, I doubt you have a perfect reason to stall me through the night.

Day 34 : Driving simulator

Driving Simulator

The driving simulator lesson which costs me $13 from BBDC, bukit batok driving center is practically a waste of time, it is what it is, a simulator. Hence, it is nothing near being driving an actual car. It is automatic but... just jamming down the accelerator pedal won't even get me at a high speed. In fact, I feel that if we clear stage 1, more likely that driving simulator is a total waste of time and money. Well, I guess this is just another way of legally taking extra money from people who join in school enrollment. Hmmm, should I plan outing with Yu Jun during the hols? but I have to think bout her budget, timing and what to do... Well, I have to remind myself to not love her the same way I did because I don't want to be jumping into the bear trap again, hurting and trapping myself once again. Hmmm, but I would definitely love it to be her best guy friend who can be there for her and..yeah maybe she will do the same... I HOPE?

Day 31 : Stress

Stressed

It definitely feels weird for not waking up to your snapchats and waiting for a " Good morning " snapchat from you. Our snap streak was broken, a week ago(?) at 197 snap streaks. That's more than half a year! Hahaha I still remember that everyday after school, I will always share stories of what happen in class or outside class to you. But now, these stories are just stories on a piece of waste paper. We don't snap any pictures nor speak in real life. I saw Christel on Monday, and my natural reaction was to look for you, but realizing it doesn't make a point if I'm always the one initiating. It just shows that I'm getting taken advantage of, only visible when needed something I can provide. Probably I'll keep snapchat just to browse through stories and playing around the filters.. Though I usually use them to entertain you when we are at a boring conversation. Things are still going great here, without you, though my focus is definitely not as strong and my desire to score well isn't really there because you always seem to motivate me to become the best of myself. However, now I see you still #1 BFF snapchat with Aaron and even use Instagram direct messages as a different platform for messaging. Nevermind, afterall I am just a side-kick, a ball that is thrown back and forth only to come by when needed to fill up the space and thrown aside practically 90% of the time. These are observations I realized only when I step out of the circle of confusion when I am deeply in love with you. I am mesmerized by all the clumsy acts of yours. Oh, and if you didn't know why I didn't reply your latest snap is because you seem ignorant about our friendship. Still asking what we talked about and what happened between us. Ahhh... But I guess its alright now, have to forget them so I won't be bothered bout it. The usual, hope you stay healthy and smile the brightest everyday of your life.

Caged experience at Lido with "Break The Chains"

Break the chains

Went to Shaw House, more commonly recognised as Lido because we only go there for the movie theater there. So, as what I wanted, I get to be in the caged as part of my duty for the event. However, because only one of five of us is only allowed to enter the cage at a time, I got bored and end up promoting Break The Chains by giving out pamphlets and educating the public about how we can help these animals and their opinions on such events if we can further improve our ways on making such an important step to helping the animals. So... I can only remember 2 new names , Shi Min and Chloe because they forced me to remember their names though we might not even see each other after today. Hmmm, what else? Ohh! Bobby Tonelli is the emcee for this event. Didn't get a picture with him because I'm not one of those hardcore fans where I will go crazy over idols. Well, he's a very cool guy and his voice is just amazing on the mic. Maybe because I've heard his voice when he works as a radio DJ then. Today my phone is exceptionally quiet though, without your snaps, my phone battery can last for more than a day... 对不起, 我真的希望时间能倒带，那么我就知道我早就应该离开，因为我尽管背叛了我自己，为了要讨好你但是那一次的表白只让我们的感情变得很尴尬。我看你没回答我的 Snapchat 也应该就是说我们连朋友都不能做了吧？

Day 25 : Farewell

Farewell

Since I wasn't even able to ask you for a clear statement if it is a yes or a no. I guess I had enough of the game that we're playing. I was just another confused player who thought he had the chance to make things different, changing all of myself to be that one who can impress you. Now, you just say "Im bored of it" and that is where you just left me hanging by the thread. But definitely, you have taught me many things, the vulgarities I use often in the past few years has been kept to a minimum where I don't even use it at all now. I've learnt to look things at a brighter side so things will not be so dim and the road to success wouldn't be so narrow and shaded. I have too, learn that I must stop at some point of time, to enjoy the nature and scenery which we may have passed by everyday without realizing. The clumsiness in me just to make you laugh will come to an end because I guess there isn't a point to destroy myself over and over again, but to face reality. Well, I didn't want to say this, but were you toying with my feelings back then? Knowing that I have some kind of feelings for you, you made used of me in contributing to birthday presents and doing things at a snap of a finger for you? This is one question that I don't have the confidence to say " No, she wasn't just all pitying me, hence spending time going out on dates with me." So.. I'm saying goodbye here because this blog might be the only thing I will speak of you in the future... Thank you for all these life lessons... and I hope we will meet once again in our point of lives at a different approach. Be well and take good care of yourself... If you have thought about having me as someone who will be in the future as your best guy friend, then yeah..you can still ask me out and we can still talk for hours without feeling restless like how we were in our East Coast Park date.

29 November 2015 ( Your 19th birthday )

Day 23 : Dialogue in the DARK

Dialogue in the dark~

There goes my virgin trip to having an experience being in total darkness with a black and white strip walking stick. The whole learning experience as very indulging, however it wasn't a long one. We are only able to be in there for about half an hour, experiencing the difficulty in identifying objects using all our senses especially touch and smell. Since we can't see, we are more afraid of walking into the wall, hence we all walking very cautiously so we won't fall if there happens to have a slight slope or even a pillar that we might brush across. We went "grocery shopping" in the dark, touching and feeling what kind of vegetables and fruits there are in the basket. Since we already knew how things look and smell like, we are able to identify them quickly. In the dark, we also went into a cafe, they sell cookies, drinks and even ice cream. I only bought the cookie because I didn't want to make a mess on my shirt because I don't know how will it be served. Hahaha! well, it sure is interesting to experience it in this 30-45 minutes but I can never imagine if my whole life is in darkness. I probably wouldn't even survive just moving out of the house. I made use of the walls on the side to walk to destinations. Imagine on the road, there wouldn't be anything to guide me on walking straight or will I be ended up walking off to the main road which will be extremely dangerous!! Respect to these visually impaired people! 

Went to meet the smoking counselor today as well, shared stories about the stress I have and how to quit smoking eventually. Shared about how I'm stressed over academic as well as impressing Yu Jun. Because there's still a part of me hoping to be with her even though I'm starting to feel like wanting to quit and stop. That's because her snaps are taking extremely long these days and mostly are 1 snap replies even though I sent like 3-4 snaps trying to get a conversation going... But we'll see as time goes on

Day 21 : Dog shelter ( OSCAS )

Dog shelter ( OSCAS )

Woke up early morning today to go to Pasir Ris MRT station to meet up with the representative of OSCAS to bring us to the shelter which is around...10 minutes away? We have to walk a distance there under the hot sun because there isn't any bus that goes around or near there. Hence, clueless as we go, I talked with the Leo Club Main Committee member, since they are usually more friendly and willing to speak to others. He's from BA and a year 2 student, so he is a year younger than me. Haha! he says he didn't know why he joined Leo Club and didn't really thought about it either. I guess he just did it for the CCA points huh? Hahaha! he doesn't seem to be of those who are interested in serving back to the community because he is more of a " plan as he go " kind of person. He told me that he didn't even knew why he pick his own course and why Ngee Ann Poly, its so unbelievable. I thought people usually get into course either because of their friends or interest or even just the school name itself. Oh! I too, saw Eve, a working colleague when I was working for Yomenya Goemon in Star Vista, she joined the event too and will be doing the same shift as I am. Though, we will be doing different jobs since I prefer to do things that requires more courage, she's more of a speaker than I am. Hence, I'd rather be in a cage than to speak about information and facts to the public. Arrived home with a heavy downpour, using my long sleeve shirt as a temporary umbrella and dash across the road to get shelter asap.... 

.

.

I missed you..

Day 20 : Revision

Revision

Waking up early today to go to the library for what was supposed a short revision on doing my tutorials over and try some Common Test papers along if I have the extra energy and focus to continue with my studying. Ended up, I took 4 and half hours just doing all my 3 modules of tutorials and I was sure, I wasn't at all slacking or taking it slowly. I really am focused in doing it properly by understanding in whatever I do and applying the formulas I written on a small notebook which helps me get by these kind of math questions faster than I have to flip the whole book for an equation. No idea what you have been doing today. Haha, you went for the usual 8 am driving lesson again and pretty much sleep and spend your day at home doing nothing? Hmmm, hope you might just do some read up and not just watch your drama and do nothing productive over the weekend... Afterall , common test is around the corner, and its year 3 which we can't afford to give up our GPA at this point of time. The only chance we have to either push it up or maintain. Dropping it at the final end is going to be at a big disadvantage for us. Hope to see you soon~

Day 18 : Finally a bond

Finally a bond

Finally, in like 4th week of school, we have a class Whatsapp group, however we only added people in but not a single one voiced out nor changed the display picture of the Whatsapp group. Hence though it is created, it is still a dead group with no pictures nor contact names in them. Well, I guess it is just a start and hopefully they will somehow not be girlish and have more guts to speak up than to only speak to people they are familiar with. 

I wish time can somehow stop, too many things are squeezing into this small time frame. Maybe it is because I didn't organise things according to their importance, and example will be like relationships. Of course, that is not important as I am still a student and definitely still young to think about such complicated stuff that can affect my focus and studies. But well, I think I am just attracted to you. In the past, I literally check out pretty girls when they walk by, now.. I see them around Ngee Ann or outside but I just look away after that. As if my heart is already attached to you, I'd rather spend 1 more minute looking at you than other girls who may look better than you. With that, am I able to say, I'm officially madly in love over your personality? Because your character is something that no second person is able to have. Your flaws are like dots on a paper and with the correct connections, it may look senseless by on lookers but to me, it is like a beautiful work of art where only I can understand. Definitely, there are times where you piss me off, haha! for being TOO friendly with guys I guess and always being the " okay " instead of saying " no ". But I guess that is something you are used to, hence not being able to turn someone down unless it is something you don't want to lie about. Mehh, when can the day where we love each other's hand as we walk with smiles and joy written all over our face? I really look forward to being that one guy who you can see a future with.

Day 16 : Fate

Fate

Ended IS a little later than usual and we ended up taking the same bus back to CCK. Initially asked if you went back and you say you were in the bus already so I thought maybe you were already in bus 67. Ended up you were at Shell kiosk still waiting for the bus. I can already recognise your perfume when I was waiting for bus 67 there. Probably my brain has already built a link to you so I can somewhat sense when you around. Had a short chat in the bus ride and hopefully you are doing fine in your course of study as well as maintaining the friendship with your classmates. There is just too many drama in Poly life I guess.. Love, betrayals, decisions are major factors to changing what we were to a devil. May we meet again when it comes to fate. 

Day 14 : Mothers' Day

Happy Mothers' Day

Its another day of the year where kids will start bragging about how well their beloved mother has took care of them and taking a selfie with them but the words used in social media will always, and I mean ALWAYS be insincere if we don't show it through actions everyday. Hence, I do not celebrate Mothers' day, since I do not treat my parents well only on their birthdays or special events. We, as children should do it everyday, so there isn't a point in his behaving only on special occasions just to cover the fact that we might be impolite to them sometimes, instead make it up by correcting our mistakes like our words used or attitude towards our parents. 

I think this blog is not going to be long-lasting since it was hitting at a peak of 20 over views before but now, its just 1-2 views at most, might be just some random people clicking on " next blog ". Oh well, this shall stay as a diary for me and maybe for her to read it when she's bored. Going to skip day 13 because there is nothing to talk about besides logging into bbdc every now and then to go get a slot for driving and waiting hours for her Snapchat replies. Yesterday and today, her replies can be up to 4 hours, and at 2 hours minimum even if I reply almost immediately after she sends hers. So far from what I know, her phone is always around with her unless she is studying or sleeping. However, I have to cross out studying because its only the second week of school and she won't start flipping those books of hers to make notes or even do revisions. She always rushes it only at the last week of break before the common test. Have to get used to it, since like what I believed, "Friends" only exists in the dictionary, I wouldn't want to trust someone in being there for me even though I always give my 100% in them. Whenever you need a listening ear or advice, you can find me. However, I don't think any will reciprocate that action. Hopefully, you will, one day be mine and then we can create our new adventures as well as memories together. All I can do now, is just to live and plan as how things go. Since I already proposed that we see once a month, but it just might destroy our knitted friendship because this means I can only see you 12 times in a YEAR!! I guess it easy said than done when I'm the one who is being attracted to you instead of the other way round. So, maybe... just maybe I might have to forget you all over again. But this time, I have no one to turn back to, no Christel to be my guard or anything. So, its a war I have to fight alone... Good luck, Fabien.

Day 12 : Good food = Go broke

Good food = Go broke

Had OPPA BBQ with some of the guys today, so we talked about relationships here and there as well as the type of girls that we are looking into. End up, I told Zhi Lin about my feelings for you because he was super curious about it. Oh! We too, talked about how pitiful Aaron is at the moment, because he seem to isolate himself to a corner in his class. Hearing from Dillon, the class didn't outcast him but instead Aaron wasn't paying attention in class and unlike our class since year 1 , we will accommodate to his unusual attitude, the new classmates doesn't care and will just ask him to shut up so he won't be boot licking the lecturers. Ughh, thinking about all that bacon and pork belly I ate yesterday, my stomach feels so bloated even taking a dump in the toilet which feel likes a rocket coming out of my anus. The food there is nice but 30 dollars for a meat buffet, definitely not so worth it but well, we don't have to worry bout drinks nor washing it. Yu Jun, don't worry. I actually researched about a vegetarian buffet since....like probably a month ago? So, maybe when we are both available, we can head down there to give it a try. However, I'm not sure if I will be able to remember it till then, since we will only be meeting at most once a month. Zhi Lin told me that in Vietnam, the both of you were tagged as the Viet couple because you both were very touchy to one another and Aaron keeps on sticking to you. I have no idea if you like the idea of people flirting with you or is it just that you are too over friendly which just worries me because it felt like I was being played. Then we went to a shop that sells headphones and suddenly he told me that you kept on using his Bose headphones which he brought there... I mean, why use his headphones? I thought you just bought a earpiece which too, has a good bass just without a noise cancellation. But... it's okay. Over thinking probably will just make my heart sank and emotional. So, just throwing everything in here, taking it as I'm saying these words to you when you read this blog post, probably a year later or never, but I'll just assume you will, one day.... 

I doubt we were even that physically close yet, a hug from you feels like I'm feeding you poison. But I too, have my heart beat raise 2x whenever I try to make physical contact with you. So, I'm totally confused... Will I ever have a chance? I'll wait for you even if it takes me to finish my University studies first before having your heart and also your parents consent just in case things will be all over because your parents won't allow you having a younger partner. 

Day 11 : Rest in peace

R.I.P

Just heard from my father that a very close friend of his, who I also knew since I was a very small kid, Gina just passed on to stroke at 29th April, so it was a few days ago. I can't find a reason to why god always wants to take the good people away so quickly. She's only 41 years old and she always put some cash aside to donate to an animal shelter so that stray dogs can have the basic necessities to survive. She even went on a trip to Europe to learn about making proper healthy dog food so that the dogs will be healthy. Unlike us, we're more likely to just throw them a packet of bee hoon and maybe some chicken wings for them to eat, but definitely it is unhealthy for him because of the extra sodium that they are taking in which exceeds the dog's intake. Their food source should be more cautious because dogs are more allergic to certain type of foods, hence more attention is needed to make the right mixture of food for them. I guess doing all good deeds doesn't mean a long life huh, like my grandmother, she didn't do any evil but also passed away at an age of 50+ because of her diabetes and many other illnesses. Well, it is very lucky that auntie Gina pass away without having to struggle for her life which will be a miserable death. At least, she died in her sleep, and I hope she goes to a better place where everything is all set and prepared for her. Rest in peace.

Shocked to see a snap coming in from Yu Jun today, she said she went jogging. Hmmm... I pondered for a moment, I remembered she has a weak stamina and today is Thursday and she went JOGGING?! Hahaha but I guess she really did since she went back home an hour ago and immediately went to bed. She must have worn out herself, oh well sweet dreams princess Yu Jun 

Day 10 : Midweek!

Midweek!

Time passes by so quickly and we are already halfway through the second week of school. Common tests falls on the fifth week I suppose. Time to start mugging, however applied thermodynamics gives me headache. The lecture note is very messy and doesn't really help unless I do the tutorials over and over again. Maybe I have to treat it like a module I did last semester, ESD, where I do the common test paper for 5 times over as revision just so I can better remember the steps to solving the questions. 

Finally got my final theory test ( FTT ) cleared too! Stuck in the damn evaluation set by the school for so long which is probably 10 times harder than the FTT itself. Scored 48/50 for the test which I only used 10 minutes of the total 50 minutes to complete it and a round of checking.

Can't stop myself but to complain about the weather these days. I tried every possible way to avoid being in the heat, however just 5-10 minutes of walking under the sun already have me drench with sweat. Well, not too much, hahaha but I perspire profusely around my forehead and my chest. These are two spots I always start to perspire first.

I too, proposed to Yu Jun about meeting once a month instead of me asking every night if we can go to school or go home together after school everyday and receiving some rejection and excuse along the way. So, why not every last Friday of the month or Saturday whichever seems fit, we can just go have dinner and maybe spend the night together before sending her back home. This way, I won't feel too attached and at the same time, we still get to go out together once in awhile. Win-win situation for me. Afterall, when internship starts next semester, there won't be a chance to meet her unless its the weekend, provided we are done with our weekly reports and plans with family/friends too. Things will get hectic as the semester goes, more work and projects will start pushing us to the limit where our weekends and hours of sleep turn into research and google docs to go work together. That is all for today, nothing interesting nor stories to tell, probably because of the switch in classmates and they just aren't as fun as the ones who left. I'm used to having people with the same frequency with me, daring to speak up, humorous, smart and some parts of clumsiness in their actions. 

Day 9 : Persistence VS Being a pest

Persist VS Pest

Tried asking you out to go to school and go home together every single chance I get but I guess I'm slowly turning into a pest after numerous excuses and rejections which definitely didn't feel good. Well, when projects and more work will be coming in, I'm just afraid I won't be able to provide all these until the semester ends then. I always cherish every second we spend together in our journey to school last semester where we always share things we may not have told others about. I feel that is like the time we really knit our close bonds, we trust one another and share our rants to one another so we can understand ourselves and opinions to make ourselves better. Driving today was kinda ridiculous, I think I drove pretty well, but end up only 2 passes instead of 3, which means tomorrow I have to drive well to get 3 chops so that I won't have to waste a slot just for 1 chop before its stage review... I guess BBDC just want to scam our money, theory lesson was free in my parents time but now its so expensive and worst still, it's useless. It did not help my theory test a single bit and end up I have to dig out answers by myself or from internet sources. I hope I pass my FTT tomorrow at one go, so I don't have to book another slot again and worry if I can pass the next. 

Hope tomorrow will be a better day though, having only Applied Thermodynamics class, lecture,tutorial and practical, all on the same day. Tried the tutorial myself but don't know if it is the correct answer because there isn't an answer key for us to check our answers to the questions. Time to be a nerd and start revising? Maybe I should, but I'm still lazying around, trying to procrastinate as much as I can.

Day 8 : Labour Day

Labour Day

Minutes passes by like seconds and hours drift by like minutes. A holiday which seems shorten due to the long lasting and heavy rain which means that we all are trapped at home and left waiting for the next time the sun emerges out from the dark clouds that are taking over the west side of Singapore. The unpredictable weather is probably the worst of all traits in global warming, usually in May-June season, we will be experiencing warmer temperature than the rainy season which should fall on year end. Luckily, we didn't planned to go out otherwise I would have a sulky look the whole afternoon. Afterall, I don't like having my plans screwed by the weather. However, today's holiday is pretty meaningless, we don't have anything to revise on nor adventures to make, waste of time listening to songs and playing phone games. How great will it be if I am able to go out with multiple friends everyday and not worrying about how much money I have left after the day. Having to check on how much I have in my wallet and deciding where to go just pisses me off. I mean, why is everything in Singapore so expensive. Meals in town can already cost a bomb if you were to set up a date and eat in a restaurant which isn't all that "atas". Fashion too, makes us having to buy clothes that are either brands that people recognise or people who can't afford more than 3 pieces of it. Everything in this world is about money, even making friends requires a play of your money. Being able to go clubbing which probably will cost 90 over dollars a night. I can't do it every week since my allowance is just 60 a week. I will overspend it sometimes as well, just to get good food which I then have to save some the following week. UGH! One day, I'll be successful and provide big and sturdy shelter for my parents and family as well as not worrying even when we are blindly picking out things and spending as and when we want..

Spend some quality time with my family, watching 蜡笔小新 and some chit chat about life, well it just the norms of a family day isn't it. I hope I can just complete my driving lessons asap... Don't wish to drag it to the very back and having to renew my PDL for another 25 dollars.

Day 7 : Stop & Stare

Stop & Stare

Today, she has an event at the temple she always goes to every Sunday. I guess it will be busy for her today, so I already expected that replies will come in at a very slow pace. No rush, care less, live better. Seems like we will not be going out on Monday because you want a rest day. To be honest, I'm kinda relieved that is so, because I can't come up with a plan of where to go and what to do. Singapore is just too small, entertainment around here can be explored within our 2 months of school break EASILY, in fact. Most of the attractions are either parks, or pools that aren't suit for the current weather now. Heavy and downpours with the sun out there to kill us with heat stroke and make us all sweaty and uncomfortable. Unless, we have a car to travel around, but of course I won't even be driving any of my friends with my parents car, I'll only do it if it is my own. That's because I wouldn't want anything to happen to it and it will be best to not leave a single scratch mark on the seats too, haha. I guess I can only plan for a trip with you, to somewhere nearby or maybe Hong Kong. Well, I can't speak Cantonese but well, you do! Haha! Also, I've went there countless times to be able to travel around the place easily so long I do my itinerary of where to go and how to. But will it be okay with you? Since we aren't a couple nor do you have any feelings for me. Will it be awkward if we were to share a room and go on an overseas trip, with just us? No idea how will it sound like to you in the future but...yeah, going on a trip with you seems interesting for me because we can go around places we can explore and learn as well as we will have no curfew nor limitations to our spending(though of course we will still be limited to how much money we brought). Shall make a silent prayer that one day, it will come true. Oh, and what I said I will not chase you if you said not to, you may think that I'm still chasing you, but... maybe not? I'm just trying to change your mind by showing you what I can give to you. So, no hard feelings even if 2 years later, you still don't have anything on me then we are still best of friends and soulmates where we share secrets and do heart to heart talks on our journey to school, back home or a date together.

Yay, going Old Changi Road for dinner later, heard the food there not bad, but Idk what is it famous for. Oh well, hope it isn't packed though because it is a public holiday tomorrow. Haha, OMG WHAT am I doing during the weekend sia... I guess I'm a boring person if I don't go out " gai gai " or go to parks and take pictures of nature we aren't usually exposed to.

End up going to Chomp Chomp for a feast, eat until stomach going to 爆炸, oh my god, the food we ordered was too much, hence it is my brother and I to finish them up again, I guess tomorrow I have to check on my calories count again so that I can maintain my weight,otherwise I will be back to 75 or higher....

Day 6 : The Weekend

The Weekend

Replies are coming in slower than usual and all I can convince myself is that you are doing your house chores which probably take up the whole afternoon for you. Still thinking about what to do on Labour Day... Wanted to walk with you around town, though we might not be buying stuffs since we are kinda saving money for our own purposes. You're saving money for your graduation trip and I'm saving my money for you. I watch a Pangdemonium or Wild Rice live play production which will probably cost about 100 over dollars at least. Hmmm, I wonder what is there in Marina Bay, and Scape too, I don't really know if there are things there to shop or walk around that some teenagers find those places a go-to places during their weekends. Some also said about having a date at Marina Bay Sands or whatever but aren't things there expensive and we, students will probably find it hard to afford. I want to watch The Civil War with you too, since I've heard reviews that it isn't as bad as Superman VS Batman and well, it isn't a horror film which you will always be hiding your face from. Hahaha! I still can remember how cute you were, tucking your head and grabbing my arm so tightly that I end up having to hold your hand instead to calm you down. Well, you probably don't realized all that since you are more focused in not hearing the sound effects and jump scare. All the best in your driving lesson later on, maybe the run will subside and it will be easier for you to learn that way. 

Day 5 : Day of wonders

Day of Wonders

Well, what can be worse than having a 3 and a half hours of break because the teacher released almost 2 hours early for the first class after doing what he so called a report which only consist of 1 page of point noting. Well, I definitely hope it won't always be like this, otherwise the lecturer will definitely shift the timetable back so that we won't start at 9am and I won't be able to go to school with her in the morning then. The 3.5 hours break was spent in block 22 where we just go into a random room and blast music and singing out of tune at the top of our lungs. It might sound embarrassing to some of us, but in Poly, its a normal sight to have someone as crazy as me, being a clown and just making people laugh and annoyed at the same time. However, if they are into the fun, they will definitely laugh and join in so we can laugh at one another. After classes, which it was supposed to end at 5 pm, ended at 3:30 pm, hence I headed down to block 22 and just so happened Ela , she was there stationed the whole day for the SOE carnival which I ended up helping her with her stall and communicating with some of the graduating seniors who came over to give a helping hand. Initially, I was just there to talk to Ela but slowly I was just bored and decided to give a hand since I'm sitting there facing everyone, and damn! did I say the freshies this badge have some cute ones too. Definitely better than the previous one haha! Oh well, but they're all appearance only, I don't even bother to look at them for another second because she's still on my mind every now and then. Good night guys!!!

Day 4 : Gray hairs

Gray hairs

The title might sound a little off to thinking that it is about the elderly but I will be sharing bout the stress I've experienced just these 4 days in my year 3 studies. Well, there is a module, I guess its Instrumental Control, ICONT, have already completed nearly 2 chapters in only 4 hours of lecture. I'm not sure if the teacher is going too fast, or are we behind time that we have to rush through every pages and example in class. I'm not sure bout the rest of my classmates, but I definitely am not able to keep up, his teaching requires one to have a somewhat brief knowledge in the module or physical machine experience itself to be able to understand what is needed to do and written for the answers. All I can only remember is the theory part and not a single bit for the block diagram or formulas that he briefly go through but didn't do the example with us. Hopefully, he can slow down the pace because I don't wish to rely on other classmates for help since many others are busy with their own lives as well as revision and wouldn't have the patience to coach someone for free, of course. People who have higher GPA will NEVER want a person below to climb up, hence people like me at GPA 3.6 will rarely receive help from the higher ups and only able to try and understand and squeeze everything into the brain for the 4 months and literally throwing them away when examinations are over. Hmmm, the weather these days are always fluctuating, sometimes we are literally melting under the sun and maybe an hour later there will be a heavy downpour that cool us off and probably get us a flu because of it. 

To end off, I wish everyone all the best who are trying to cope in their daily studies/work, keep fighting and one day we will all succeed and be at the peak of our career! 

Day 3 : Travelling for nothing

Went to school for 30 mins

So, apparently I am suppose to have an hour of lecture and an hour of tutorial class of Applied Thermodynamics today but the teacher seems too relaxed about it that he only use 30 minutes of lecture to do a briefing of how his lesson plan will be like for the next few months. Half an hour of bullshit which he can use for giving us a head start on the module but he would rather have tomorrow which will be a 2 hour lecture. Maybe I have to read the books earlier than the teachers for this semester. The teachers aren't as entertaining as the ones I had in my year 2 and year 1s. These lecturers tend to be more over themselves and don't really care about what we are not capable of. But its okay, since in the real world, no one is going to be spoon feeding us so its better that I dig those information myself and be better prepared than my classmates so I will stand out more among them. 

Nothing to talk about for today, so... that is all! 

Day 2 : IS

IS : World Issues & Traditional Chinese medicine

World issues is a total bore because of the new classmates who I have never or only seen once in the whole 2 years of studies in Ngee Ann Poly. There is a girl called " Ching Wei ", she looks extremely different from what I remembered when I participated in a event with the IMH.as a sound man while she was singing to the elderly and doing some aerobic dance moves which I was just laughing at Christel and Aaron then. World issues is talking about the climate changes and so on, probably moving into how we should improve our Earth resources, blah blah blah. I mean, we are just students and our say may not be reached to the higher ups, even so, we do not get paid with our brilliant ideas. I saw the assignments are to be submitted to them via SafeAssign, I have to idea how to do it though, never tried it before. Traditional Chinese medicine too, TCM , is a little boring due to the long stories the physician has been telling us bout his past patients, I mean its definitely good to know what TCM helps us in our lives and how it can be better than Western medicines. But, maybe he can bring in some goodies for us to try, since he said Chinese tea is good for our health but why not give us some of those precious tea leaves to try it, since I believe that most of that will rather visit a clinic which provides Western medicine over Chinese medicine because as the stereotype goes, Chinese medicine is more like a rehabilitation and requires a long term to see its effects whereas Western medicine is more prominent because we can heal from our common cough and flu within a couple of days.

Driving was horrendous at the start but easy and fun at the back. I find the circuit harder to drive due to the many stops and turns which are very repetitive until I become bored of it. The main roads are more fun because we can go at a higher speed than we can in the circuit.

Project work also am giving me stress, Yu Jun just ranted to me about it when we are going home today while I'm on my way to BBDC for my practice. Should I pick the both of my classmates which I believe one of them is good while another is about GPA 2.8? Can't remember but he isn't someone who can contribute in a teamwork.

Day 1 of studying

A class of mutes

Today is the day I realised my new classmates might be mutes. When the teacher ask questions to the class, they don't even bother to reply the teacher. Being year 3s, I'm doubtful any of them are being shy to speak up. I have to idea how I am going to survive with these classmates, modules are extremely difficult to cope even when its just Chapter 1. I guess I have to start on my revision and making of notes earlier than expected. Who knows, I might even have to start burning midnight oil as time goes by with each harder topics from all 7 modules. Tomorrow will be IS week, hopefully it wouldn't be so stressful. The core modules are already draining most of my brain cells, I hope she can be the one who will be by my side, pushing me on through this 4 months, and achieving a GPA 4.0. Can you offer some Friday nights or Saturdays to study with me since I know your Sundays will not be available then. You are the only one who is able to diminish my fatigue to the minimum even though it may be 3-4 hours in the library plugging in our ear pieces and listening to our individual music. Well, how would it be like if the answer is different from the start, HAHA, will we be listening to songs from the same phone instead? Just kidding~ 

Maybe I'll start bonding the class the usual way I did in my freshie years. Also, I ain't having luck in my driving lessons, can't get to book the slots I want that are nearer in date and available for me to book. Usually, the lessons people cancel are the ones during school hours instead of those late night ones that I wouldn't mind taking up. Has taking on school been a mistake? Spending more money and time to complete the whole course of my driving. Hopefully, tomorrow things will better with the IS classmates whom I have no contacts with any individual before. 

Year 3 Sem 1 begins

A beginning to a new semester

Just as I was complaining how boring it is during the long 2 months break, the new semester has come and I'm already dreading it. Having a total of 5 core modules and 2 IS modules to juggle with is probably the most stressful thing being the last semester for us to push for a better GPA. Nevertheless, I have to focus and try to aim for a 4.0 so that it reflects well in my portfolio that I've been working extremely hard after being arrogant with my 3.78 in year 1 sem 1. 

I have to go on some stamina training as well, I can't even run 2.4km, let alone doing it within the time limit for bronze. Seems like you're busy today, its been 2 hours since my last sent snap and you haven't open it.

 I guess you must be in the temple or having some events at the moment. Which I've experienced because it isn't the first time you don't use your phone as often when you are extremely busy or being focused in doing something. I slept at 3am yesterday and only waking up at 11, close to 12pm. So, half of my Sunday have already been sacrificed to my sleep. After this day, who knows if we even have the time to meet, even after school. Because I know you definitely wouldn't wait even just for 10 minutes so that we can go back home together. Hahaha, I guess I always am willing to wait for you is because I want to have a journey back home that is filled with laughter and a smile on our face. Well, my silly jokes which OBVIOUSLY is totally made up by myself to brighten up the atmosphere, knitting our bond tighter than what I want with the others. Maybe, that's why you are the ONLY person I gave my address to my home. 

Should I finish up my Korean drama today? Maybe it can be of a lesser burden for me for wanting to rush it during my free time, but also it works well as a medication to be less aware of my phone for the next hour so I won't be checking my phone every 5-10 minutes. Writing this blog too, stalls some time before I get back to my phone or song searching in the Youtube.